I Can Brain.

A Counsellor’s reflection on the teenage journey and the power of educational wellness.

Written by Vukile Mexico

As a counsellor, I have experienced supporting adolescents, so I have come to appreciate just how much change happens during their teenage years. Every teen has a unique story, which over time has many ups and downs. Some of the patterns I have noticed include uncertainty about identity, intense emotions, and an inner world that sometimes feels too big to explain. That’s why I often encourage parents to look beyond the surface of their children and try their best to understand and support their kids during these years through a lens of empathy. What may seem like unusual behaviour is often a reflection of growth, being overwhelmed, and a search for identity.  

One of the things that strikes me when I’m working with adolescents is how often their experiences remind me of my own experience as a teenager. Even though the world has evolved with social media and the modern pressures caused by the internet, the core teenage struggles remain familiar. 

When I first stepped into high school, I was armed, not with advice or experience, but with reruns of teen dramas and coming-of-age movies. My expectations were stitched together with glossy scenes and Disney Channel plotlines: lockers slamming, slow-motion hallway walks, cafeteria hierarchies, and dramatic matric-ball nights. I thought I knew what was coming…

But high school wasn’t like the scripts I had studied. It wasn’t all bright filters and rehearsed one-liners. It was messier. Louder. Quieter. More real.

To be an adolescent is a very, VERY interesting time in your life. You go through so many changes physically and emotionally. For the first time, you begin to find your voice and for some teenagers, it happens sooner than others. These changes can be overwhelming, because you get caught up in a cycle, and everyone around you and at your school is going through the same thing. You experience a range of emotions that you cannot control, anger, frustration, irritability, elation, excitement, shut down, deep sadness and so on, which further contributes to the feeling of being lost and misunderstood. These are common emotions we all go through, but one thing we didn’t know is that THIS IS NORMAL. The journey of teenagehood is weird, hard, and difficult.

Now, picture a young me who had just turned 14 and started the complicated journey of high school. At this age, like many, I had a closed mindset and lived in my little bubble of sport, family and friends. Looking back, I’ve always seen my high school journey as a five-chapter novel, each year its own wild, unpredictable storyline. And if I’m honest, no writer could’ve plotted the chaos, comedy, and catharsis that unfolded in those pages.

Chapter 1, Grade 8: Tween Me: Lost in Change

This chapter can only be remembered for maaaannnnyyy of my top cringe moments that still make me flinch at the big ol’ age of 25. Grade 8, for me, was when the changes started… Suddenly, my voice became deeper, I started feeling the shifts in myself and my body more and I started noticing more spaces, places and people around me. At this stage, I struggled the most, because I often tried to grow away from things that I used to love doing, and I didn’t know why. I felt out of sync with my family simply because I didn’t think they understood me.

Sounding familiar?

Being a tween is a powerful period of development where the brain is rapidly growing in areas linked to emotional regulation, identity formation, and social thinking. This is why you start questioning who you are, where you belong, and how others see you, all while navigating intense physical and hormonal changes. However, this is also when I made some new friendships that I didn’t know would last me a lifetime.

Chapter 2, Grade 9: Echoes of Pressure

In Chapter 2, things started becoming real to me. Until this point, I hadn’t understood what mental health was. This was a new concept for me that I had never really been taught about. Until the age of 14, going on 15, I had heard the term ‘depression’ but never knew what it meant – I remember hearing it while I was watching TV. I thought it was a ‘sickness’ that could never be healed, but little did I know what it truly meant.

Grade 9 is one of the most common points where issues such as anxiety and depression begin to spike in teenagers. This is precisely why parents and schools MUST put emotional well-being at the forefront of teenage development and education. Many teenagers navigate this stage without having any real introduction to mental health. By failing to prioritize emotional education early on, we are neglecting the very thing that makes us human. I have seen many parents and students hide behind the ‘not-talked-about’ struggles of raising and being a teenager and then we feel isolated – in fact, it is common and all around us. 

The transition into high school, combined with academic pressure, social comparison, and identity struggles, can significantly increase emotional stress at this age. With all this, and the realisation that I, a 15 year old, had to now choose subjects that would quite possibly shape the way the rest of my life would go, it started weighing, not only on me but on many students around me as well.  

Chapter 3, Grade 10: When Control Got Complicated

At long last, I can breathe a little, after 2 long years of trying to feel comfortable in my body and somewhat understanding what is happening around me. Grade 10 is sometimes seen as the halfway point. It’s still an odd phase with some self-awareness, but it’s also when you begin to truly understand yourself and your surroundings. At the same time, you’re heavily influenced by peers which can raise concern.

Thinking back to when I was 16, I wish I had a counselor to talk to whenever I felt overwhelmed or alone, which was often. I began to feel the weight of subject choices, career paths, and external expectations while still trying to manage my emotional development. What started as the best chapter of the bunch led to the beginning of burnout with continuously rising academic pressure, but this time it felt weird… Almost as if I did it to myself, because of the subject choices I had made. But ay… one thing I always told myself is ‘we gotta push through, young king.’

Chapter 4, Grade 11: Dreams, Deadlines & Detours

Yep, this is when it started falling apart and life started becoming real. The question, “What do you want to do after school?” Started roaming around a lot more – and louder than usual. “This is the most important year of your school career” echoed from all directions, whether you were in class, at home, or just watching a series to decompress from the day, the voice of the Vice Principal saying that Grade 11 is the “MOST IMPORTANT YEAR OF YOUR LIFE” followed me wherever I went.

This is the year when marks start to “count” for university applications, scholarships, and future career paths, placing an intense burden on students to perform. The pressure was on, and with each term passing, mental fatigue started playing a part.

Being a young teenager, I obviously felt overwhelmed. But you know what my biggest problem was? I couldn’t express this to anyone. I never learned how to… 

I did what I knew best and kept it to myself. As the year went by, I felt like I was losing the race and that my then-dream of being an accountant was crumbling right in front of me. Now, to think that at first I wanted to be a Chartered Accountant, is crazy. Nevertheless, back to the main plot…This is when I wished I had learned the importance of having a support person, having my academic goals clearer, and knowing how I could achieve them. This is the year when having a mentor or counsellor outside of the family unit is important, (sorry parents, 17 year old’s don’t want your advice).

Chapter 5, Grade 12: The Weight of the Finish Line

The last chapter of high school is when I sat down and started to wonder how fast time just went by. I couldn’t believe that the grade that felt like a lifetime away had finally arrived.

The year, famously known as “the year of the lasts,” was a beautiful yet hard time, when there were many goodbyes to a lot of familiarities. Matrics have these goodbyes lingering in their minds from day one: farewell to friendships/relationships that were formed, to your favourite spot that your friends used to sit at during school and the nights when you went to that one friend’s house –  the one the whole squad used to go to, (when we could just chill and have good laughs, that was my therapy).

When the year starts, it’s exciting that you’re finally about to finish school and be free. But then the last 40 days hit and the reality of saying goodbye to a place that has been part of your routine for 12 years of your life sinks in.

During this time, physically, I felt great, but emotionally and mentally, I was hanging on by a thread. The already intense year of Grade 11 had taken so much out of me that I was on autopilot by the time matric started. I just wanted to get through the year. Throughout the year, there was a new question that echoed the streets: “What are you going to do after school?” 

This question was asked by EVERYONE. A question that for so long in my life I thought I could answer confidently, but as the years went by and the reality of it came closer, it became a lot harder and more uncomfortable to answer.

It was truly a weird time. Parents and educators, it is important to be aware that Grade 12 students are among the most at risk for mental health challenges, with a sharp rise in anxiety, depression, and burnout reported during the matric year. The intense pressure to succeed academically, meet family expectations, and make life-changing decisions about the future can overwhelm even the most resilient of teens. Grade 11/12 are important years to have guidance to help them get through all the uncertainty, which is why Education Wellness is vital. 

The Parent Chapter: How do I survive these 5 years?

For the parents of brave teens going through any of these chapters these 5 years are stressful for you as well. This is when you start to realise that your little baby is growing up FAST. It’s also when the family disconnect creeps in for most parents and teens. My advice for most parents would be: give teens their space to work through the messy confusion that is puberty and growing up.

And for you, give some space to yourself too, so that you can gently work through the changes around you. Like your teen, you are also going to experience their growth, because you WILL get angry when they get angry, and you WILL be worried when they are worried. 

Ask yourself this: what did you need when you were that age? Ask them what they need.

Education Wellness: The helping hand through all the chapters 

Education wellness is the future, and the need for it has never been more urgent. In schools, academic pressures have heightened in the last decade. Additionally, many teenagers face a daily reality shaped by socio-economic hardship, feeling overstimulated in big classrooms, and limited access to mental health support. These conditions often leave learners feeling unseen and unsupported. By prioritising wellness through initiatives such as school-based counseling, safe learning environments, and a healthy balance between academic expectations and emotional health, we can begin to shift this narrative.

A wellness-centered education system doesn’t just benefit students in the short term; it lays the foundation for long-term success and social impact. When teens are emotionally supported and their mental health is valued, they are more likely to stay in school, develop stronger self-esteem, and build emotional resilience that carries into adulthood. These changes can help reduce dropout rates and contribute to a generation of young people who are not only academically capable but also emotionally intelligent and socially empowered. In a country like South Africa, where inequality and trauma still echo through many communities, educational wellness is not just a luxury; it is a critical step toward lasting transformation. 

This is a transformation that I, as a counsellor at I Can Brain, am very passionate about, and with the counselling packages we are launching, you will see firsthand how this will be the first step in the right direction towards creating balance and helping learners see that they are seen.